HER

As I sat in the dark, it finally came to me. It must have been the song that was playing on the radio. The same song that we had on repeat that night. That night I tried so hard to remember probably after trying so hard to forget. Now that I’m starting to remember; it’s a wonder it wasn’t carved into my brain. It’s the kind of memory you see when your eyes are closed, when your eyes are open, probably even when you’re dead.

The three of us sat in the small smoke filled room; me in the single arm chair and them two on the two seater that wasn’t really big enough for two.

He met her at work. Said she was a “scream” and I just had to meet her. He brought her round on a Friday night with a couple bottles of champagne, a few bags of weed and some candy for the lady with the sweet nose. Apparently they closed a really big deal at work. The kind of deal that gets you a promotion, your own parking space and a pay rise that dreams are made of.

She came bounding in, made her self at home like she had been here before. I didn’t like her. Instantly I didn’t like her. The way she moved, the way she talked, the way she giggled like a school girl. I tried to see what he liked about her. I eyed her up to see if she was the kind of girl he would go for. She was the total opposite to me. Her just about size eight body, blonde hair and her girl about town attitude. Complete opposite to me. Maybe that was the attraction.

He popped the champagne and they hugged each other the way I could imagine them hugging each other a thousand times before. Real close, happy smiles on their faces and when they pulled away, that lingering look in their eyes. I saw it. He saw I saw it and as if as an after thought he gave her the bottle of champagne and ran over to me, picked me up and twirled me around. Span my whole world around until all that was left was her. Each time he span me around my eyes locked with hers. At first she wore that big plastic grin, on each rotation it gradually faded until she wore a snarl, a big ugly sneer that said she knew something I didn’t know. I was dizzy from the spinning and the stink of her too expensive perfume that still lingered on his cheek. He set me back down and went to join her. “I’ll get some glasses” she said. I’ll never forget the way she sashayed into my kitchen to get some glasses. I stood there watching her. Out of the corner of my eye I saw panic spread across his face like a plague sent from god. He was thinking the exact same thing that I was thinking: if she hadn’t been here before how would she know where the glasses were kept.

My heart pounded in my chest as I waited for her to confirm my suspicions. She was good I’ll give her that. She made a big show of looking in all the cupboards because “ooh other people never keep things the places I would keep them in my house”. I watched him run to her aid like superman. I saw him whisper in her ear and her sway her body in a flirting kind of way. I stood there and watched as she didn’t move out the way when he stood behind her reaching into the cupboard to get the glasses.

She walked back into the front room first. Looking me dead in the eye. He came in after her looking me dead in the eye. I sat down feeling dead in the heart.

He poured three glasses of bubbly. They clanked glasses “To us” I snorted in disgust as she snorted white dust. He leant back and watched her. Watched her the way he watched me when we first met. I rolled a spliff. I bent my head to lick the rizla and saw their thighs pressed up against each other, saw his dick twitch as it grew and saw her spread her legs slightly as if she was ready to accommodate him.

The more they talked about work, the more I smoked. The more I smoked, the more she sniffed. The more she sniffed, the more he drank. The more he drank, I wanted to take that bottle of champagne and show her what her legs were really open for.

“why are you smoking so much?” he asked.

“why did you buy so much?” I asked.

“why are you being like this?” he asked.

“why are you fucking her?” I asked.

The room was silent and the smoke from my spliff formed thick grey ribbons. Ribbons in the sky was the song that was playing. Even Stevie Wonder could see what was happening so why did they think I wouldn’t.

She looked at me. She smiled. She snorted another line.

He looked at me. He frowned. He took another drink.

I looked at them. I laughed. I took another pull on my spliff.

It was then, and not a moment before, no matter what you might think, that I decided. I felt liberated. I felt as though a great big weight had been lifted off my shoulders, I felt as if I was floating in the clouds above. I relaxed then. He tensed up. He knew me. Or thought he knew me. If he knew me he would have known that I would have known what was going on the moment he brought her here. If he knew me, he would have known what I would have known was the right thing to do.

But he didn’t know me, just like I didn’t know him. Just like I didn’t know when she cut a line it would have been for him.

He snorted it up like a pig, and sat there bug eyed. Sweat formed on his forehead and he loosened his collar. She put her hand on his shoulder like she was proud of him.

She needed to go to the bathroom. No need in pretending she didn’t know where it was any more. She left the room. Now that she had left the room, he had no need to pretend any more. He was going to be sick. The only coke he was used to came out of a can. He ran through the front door and round to the side of the house.

Now that they were both gone I had no need to pretend any more. A single tear rolled down my left cheek and landed on my lap. I was mourning a love that had died the moment he had brought her here. I was mourning the loss of the man I once knew. Mourning life as I once knew it. But fuck it. Life’s a bitch.